The forces of nature are something that continuously chip away at our man-made structures, and is one of the only things you can count on these days. Like clockwork, percolation, punctured pipes, puddles, potholes are bound to show up every time it seems nothing else could go wrong. South High school is not immune to these problems that so plague my people of the commonwealth and beyond. The great Bruce Lee famously preached that water can either flow or it can crash, and it seems the spring melting has crashed all around the Redwing nest.

In the hallway:

This reporter has been told from numerous sources that the problem of saggy ceiling tiles, leaky hallways, and wet walls begins at the top of the school. The flat roof of South provides a safe haven for the snow to collect for the entirety of winter. When it is time for spring, melting does not occur happen all at once. This inhibits the runoff of water and allows it to re-freeze in corners, cracks, and creases in the roof aggravating them until the drip can finally penetrate the roof, meandering around until it can collect and wreak havoc on not only ceiling tiles, the linoleum floor has been known to warp from constant exposure to the foreign water.

However, we need not be afraid. The South side’s princiPAL and savior, Mr. Formolo,  has shed light on an upcoming project that will put an end to the drip once and for all. Over the course of the summer, Sheboygan South will be given a new hat. No longer will there be precipitation ‘over head when navigating conflicts. stripped down to the socks, and put back together with the strength to withstand 100 Antarctic snow storms. Bold claims, but time will tell if the crown of 1240 Washington Avenue will hold up against the midwestern frozen tundra.

Outside:

Anyone who has taken the back entrance to South (by the auditorium, across the fence from the Early Learning Center) has no doubt had to either test their vehicle’s amphibious properties or drive on the gravel in order to go around Flexmod Lake. Flexmod Lake, contrary to its trendy name, is an age-old problem that has plagued my school for ages. Water from the high-grounded ELC collects on a drain that has to go 100 feet sideways before heading to the depths of the sewage system. While there may be another drain that leads directly underneath the street approximately 20 feet from the swimming hole, water does not seem to care and instead freezes while trickling down the slow inclined pipe. This freezing is not helped by Mother Nature’s indecisiveness regarding when Spring should be sprung. To tame the swimming hole, a hose has been put in place to pump out water into a proper channel towards the true low ground.

Trees produce sap when the ground freezes at night, causing their roots to absorb more water and replenish their reservoir of pancake sauce. Legend has it, every time this cycle occurs, a Redwing brings its umbrella to school. While this year’s thaw may seem to be behind us, I wouldn’t take my poncho out of my locker just yet.