Around South, there are many places to get a drink of two hydrogen atoms attached to an oxygen in a Mickey Mouse fashion. Some are fan favorites, while there are spots that are slept on by almost everyone in the school. This reporter has taken upon himself to delve into the world of the water fountain, ranking them in 4 tiers. Bubblers will be judged on their essential qualities: temperature (how cold and crisp a drink turns out to be), stream (how much water comes out at once), and how clean they appear to be.

1 ) The stream is solid and does not spray. Water crests a comfortable level ABOVE the lip of the fountain.  Water is always cold in this tier and is exceptionally refreshing. Waterbed and faucet are exceptionally clean, with almost no rust at all.

Turning the fountain on is a cinch, and works the first time, every time. These spots are the absolute best in the school, providing a controlled crisp contiguous drink. I have found only three choice bubblers in the school, northwest fountain in the Redwing gym with its exceptional flow, and the two first floor fountains with water bottle filling up technology. In my experience, these are truly the cream of the crop.

2) The stream is high enough to drink but could have more pressure to it.  Water may be acceptably cold after running for a few seconds. Some rust but is still acceptable, and the sink bed isn’t crazy dirty. A bubbler in this tier you can’t really hate on, and it gets the job done darn well. Fountains in this tier are the outside the teacher’s lounge spout, the commons bathrooms (although the taller fountains have been known to have a stifled flow), the weight room bubbler (coldest in the school), south-east in the Redwing gym, just outside the library, and finally the Spanish hallway twins. You really can’t hate on any of these spots.

3) The stream is lower than the lip of the bubbler. Water sometimes comes out of the spout not in one continuous shot, but in a splashing motion that gets all over the place. Sub-par water pressure results in the drink needing to take a longer amount of time to consume the same amount of water. While the beverage is colder than room temperature, it still lacks the refreshing quality of a cool clean refreshment. The hydration station is seen with rust on the spout and other miscellaneous bubbler defects. This drink will get the job done, but lacks satisfaction; you will walk away from these spots still feeling parched.  Fountains in this class are the English hallway spout, the field house fountains (eastern ones are colder than the western, but neither have a good flow), both in the Schuman gym, and the “splish-splash I was taking a bath” sprinkler found southwest in the Redwing gym

4) The stream is barely anything at all and does not satisfy a parched mouth. You would need to drink from this bubbler for longer than others for still a fraction of the satisfaction that would come from a regular fountain. These venues’ agua has not been cooled and tastes noticeably different from a better fountain. The water beds are dirty, possibly rusty. Dust and other general schmuck inhabit these fountains, and they are overall just the worst. Bottom of the barrel bubblers include the porcelain places in the science hallway along with outside Mr. Matthews, Mr. Peterson, and Mr. Heeler’s rooms, outside the counseling center, along with the rusty duo outside Mrs. Detienne’s room, and the notorious duct taped terror northeast in the Redwing gym.